Reflections On Happiness

Oh happiness. What does it really mean? I've attempted to articulate thoughts of its definition, how you can get it, and whether or not it's even realistic or fair to shoot for it. For now I'm acknowledging that I'm not pursuing it because, knock on wood, it is here.

It's invigorating! But it doesn't just happen. The process of getting here made me realize that in order to achieve something that you envision as truly making you happy, you need to work at it (well, duh, I suppose). Letting life float you along from step to step won't get it, at least it didn't for me. You have to stand at the edge of something and jump into something else, whether or not you can see where you will land. You have to perhaps turn your back on conventional ideas of what you should be doing and instead decide to do what you want to do. Often, you have to take a risk. And perhaps even most importantly, you have to dig deep within yourself and try to unpack concrete things that could get you there.

This was the hardest part for me. And it took at least a year to imagine how I could sketch an outline of a life that would enable me to truly thrive. When you have a partner it makes it simultaneously more complex and more rewarding. You need to work together around what desires you both have and how your visions for "happiness" could be different. How could there be some middle ground that could get you both to those places? How do you weigh various life factors to find your way?

That's all a bit abstract. For us, it finally boiled down to a little formula:

We like city life. We didn't like Boston city life. + We love the lakehouse. We like being able to drive there for a weekend. = Let's live in a small city somewhere within three hours of the lakehouse.

Okay so that doesn't seem that dramatic but at the time, it was huge. It was clarity. A year of processing, hemming, hawing, crying (it's true!) led us to something concrete. A pursuable outcome. Then we made a plan for how to get it. Simon got the job in Portsmouth, I arranged to be able to continue with my job, we found a place to live, and we're here.

Of course it wasn't easy. Of course it's not as simple as a formula. Of course, along the way, it was not always clear the way it is above. I just think, at the most basic level, we owe it to ourselves to think about the lives we create. Think about how we can craft them to reflect who we are and how we can be the best versions of ourselves. Let the structure of our lives support us, make us happy, instead of bog us down or stress us out. Most of us are incredibly lucky to be able to make change and many of us think we can't, but really, we can. You just have to overcome the enormous, gigantic hurtles of defining what it is you want, what it is that can enable you to truly thrive, and how you can get it. But when you put this type of careful thought and effort into something, take the risk, and achieve what you had set out to, it feels great. Go for it!