Ever since Merwin's cancer diagnosis, it has been harder to leave him home alone. I want to be with him, savor what it is like for the two of us to occupy the same space, go on long walks together, and just be. I'm grateful I'm not commuting long distances daily and have the flexibility to spend so much time with him.
Thus far, the chemo hasn't been effective in reducing the cancer cells in his lymph nodes. The most commonly used lymphoma-fighting strategy, CHOP, involves four drugs and a series of treatments over 15 weeks. We got through three of those drugs with absolutely no side effects but also no discernible reduction in the disease. So we're waiting for test results that will tell us a bit more about the specific type of cancer he has, his prognosis, and where we go from here.
While we wait, I'm having a hard time leaving the house. It seems a bit pathetic, but it's how I feel. Granted, he hates when we're not home and suffered through severe separation anxiety for years, but this is about wanting to maximize whatever time I have left with the little guy. Even if it's just moments that he's dozing in a sun patch and I'm doing laundry in the other room. His presence is punctuated by tiny movements, sighs, and paws clicking across the floor, a little symphony of companionship. But more than that, and it's hard to explain, I feel him in the background, a constant presence that fills this place with his little spirit. Merwin, and all the doggies, are always just there, steadfast in their willingness to give everything to the ones they love.
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