I Deeply And Completely Accept Myself

Be forewarned! We're getting personal today.

We began the arduous process of packing up the Somerville apartment Sunday afternoon and came across this small notecard with MJ's writing across the top and this phrase, this affirmation. Six words. Six simple little words that in no way are simple or little when it comes to believing them and living like you believe them.

I've been struggling with my sense of self lately. Some major categories of life just haven't felt resolved and it seems like I'm surrounded by images and messages that tell me how it should all play out. I should want to be a smiling mom beautifully and perfectly raising 1.5 children surrounded by picture-perfect sunny snapshots of family life, I should want to maintain a fast-paced, rewarding career that fulfills me, and I should do it all in a 3+ bedroom, picket-fenced house in the 'burbs.

Sure that may be exaggerated, but the problem is, right now I don't actually have the desire for any of that. I can't tell you how many hours I have spent distraught that I don't want that life, that somehow I'm not normal and will live on the fringes of society, shunned for being a weirdo. Instead, shouldn't I be focused on figuring out what I do want and how I can get it? Why yes, of course. But in order to do that I have to accept me for me. I have to accept that maybe I'll never want to be a mom and won't necessarily find my "life's purpose" through my career. I have to accept that all of that is ME and the people that honestly care about me will still care about me if I don't fit this model.

So yeah, I'm going to work on deeply and completely accepting myself...thanks Janey.